How i see me

I look in the mirror I turn to the side I squeeze my stomach and my thighs I turn to the front I trace my thighs the cellulite that lies the pain that hides I throw on some pants to hide my size so much ugly is hidden behind these eyes I look up eyes focused on my arms my stomach my back my chin the jiggling fat that can't look thin the bumps I pick at the marks I trace the smile on my face oh wait thats fake I spend 5 minutes on the verge of tears I try on a shirt its too tight too long too short too weird I put on a shirt black baggy unnoticeable now no one will look at me because if they do they'll see what I see and no one can see me how I see me