how did it feel

when you finally had a taste of God? even saying His name feels thick and heavy to me, blood on my tongue. it's all metalic. boys on their knees, oh, the absolutism of it. the fantasy I painted nightly in desperation was impossible to escape. I clawed skin for it, my sigils dark and red and painfully weak against the weight of my sin: how would you taste if you cried for me ? now here you are, somewhere, hands clasped & breath soft violet in the night oh like a porcelain doll you must weep for Him, haven't you? forgive me father for giving up your touch you moan, reaching up. but does He touch you like I would? does he really? does he really?