How?

I'm losing myself. My mask is slipping I'm yelling at people who don't deserve it. I'm shutting people out. But they're just trying to get in. How can I show people that it's possible to love me when I don't even know what self love is. How can I tell people they can trust me, when I don't trust myself alone in my own room. I'm trying to stay alive. I promise. But it's hard when I have less than 13 reasons on why I should. How can I prove to myself that life is worth it when I'm being beaten to death by it.