~Hopeless~

"She's hopeless" "He's hopeless" "Their hopeless" I'm hopeless... Amateur romantic filled with toxic aspiration, throw normalcy to the wind, ever so boring to me. My words don't seem to align with my actions, why am I like this? I'm obsessive and clingy after saying I'm distant, and right as I predict my actions they change so rapidly. I feel like I understand only to be tripped up again, I choke up again. Another failed attempt at happiness, happiness I find in others. I know I could do better, could get better on my own but my perceived loneliness chips at my sanity. How can I cope, I see others so happy in regularity, I feel broken, I feel like I'm fucked... like I'll never find the contentness I crave. Why can't I show love normally? Why can't I be normal? What is normal? I'm dazed, confused and have felt never so out of place as I seem to when I'm alone.