Hope : Part 1

when you have feeling  you try and figure the out yet theres just a blob a unknown blob you say im going to figure it out today but you don't because there's more important things there's cleaning your house or talking to your sister or texting your friends from school you can do anything  only if its not related to feelings I've never been good with feelings never been able to console anyone anyone but my mother my mother and I were connected maybe it because that connection is gone I'm even worse with feelings than before I can't even hold myself together let alone anyone else.  I can usually hold myself together around everyone except my mother she would chip away at the wall I built  only so she could see me only so SHE could SEE me now no one can see me  my girlfriend can see some of me but not all my cousin can see a little of me but not all  my family can see non of me at all  I am the baby in the family and the baby is supposed to give everyone  HOPE  a weird word hope is it could mean many things such as I hope for an item or I hope for a friend  for my family I am meant to give them hope but what if I don't have hope left myself