Hide my pain

I hide my pain, only for it to get worse. so for the vurse, I won't be the worst. I try to be happy, only for me to die down even more. being paranoid, sad, and stressed 24/7, only puts me lower than a 7. I try to be happy, to make them laugh. But the pain is too strong, am I in the wrong? I wish I was happier. For I'm always sad. When is the last? I want this to pass. I hate this, I can't rate it. This pain is unbearable. It's so bad that I can't even rate it a scale of 1-10. so, I pull out a pen. I'll write until I'm happy.. I hide my pain, only to feel so plane.