Hey

I fail to fall because it makes me vulnerable. I love control. You can't get hurt if you control the process and outcome. Losing control to one means I'm exposed to all. Giving you all of me without knowing what you'll do with it scares me most. I can't even love myself tenderly; how am I sure you'll give me tender love? Everyone needs love. I'd rather be a member and not participate than be apart. I can't give all of me, because that too can break me apart. So I'm in between— selfish and cautious. Giving you all of me means you can either love me whole or break me whole. How do I know you won't choose the latter? I wrote a letter of love, so I'm capable. But it never reached the post, for I was merely a host, and I wasn't catered to. How do you want all of me when I can clearly see the cost? I boost my ego, I brush my pride. Leave my heart unattended, for a touch won't bend it— it'll break it. When I smoke and I'm clouded, I still can't give it all up for a fantasy. I'm not Brent, but a blank shot is still a shot, right? 'Cause I know you love Faiyaz, and you've got fair eyes, but still they can't see me at my lowest, for I know not what's behind them. I almost loved you. © JM Pluto