help

i can't get out of bed, and it kills me everytime knowing the desire in me resided as a flicker of dying light. i dwell over my choices my thoughts, greedy blemish me for gasps i made when i was giddy when everything was fun happiness, a world rebound laughing didn't come with a price and i could smile without trying to be nice. freed from inexistent sheckles only to experience growth that out of which it lead me to a realm of no return. i had to fight for the right to breathe muster courage to believe a dream so far yet wanted i almost died finding it. but now im here again bound by cuffs ready to aim extract the slightest movement and keep me in bed. once, i wanted a lot i dreamed for a fate with costs as an adult,i now understand i was never free to fly, anyway.