Headspace

In my own delusion, I am nothing. I live in constant confusion and rely on failing. This requires a lot of energy to calm the chaos inside of me. I tell myself lies. I punish my soul, but there is a thin line between my reality and make believe, so I'm told. I am accustomed to breaking my own heart. I tell myself constantly that there is no way to fix these broken parts. How could someone love me if I don't love myself? How could anyone love me when I dream of being someone else? I feel worthless. I feel hopeless. I feel there is no relief. I wear this mask of happiness so often that no one would understand or believe. That I'm drowning in my own self-doubt, feeling as if their lives will be better without my negativity, and I'm searching for a way out. This pandemonium is becoming too heavy for me to carry. It's the commotion, the anxiousness, the perplexity of my mind. One day I feel like dying, on other days I'm just fine. I am lost with no guidance to turn to. Who would want to listen to a spoiled opposing attitude? I'm fading into my headspace, and no other is to blame. I bring this upon myself. I know this. I just wish my mind would stop playing these devilish games.