greed for pain

Desire disguised as need. Dreams and longings, thinking of getting rid of the persistent anxiety that haunts my mind at all hours. A morbid craving for the idea of the feeling of emptying myself, of expelling all the disturbances that torment me. A restlessness that takes control of my being and begins to manifest itself in my body, after unraveling my mind. An unreal desire that gnaws at me, a constant search for pain to find the pleasure that will clear my clouded mind.