gone?

Just because I haven't killed myself, Doesn't mean that I don't wish that I were dead. You could look me in the eyes You could tell me lies.. . I still believe None of this matters...You don't understand that life is a joke You think I do these things Just to provoke you. I don't. I'm only here To exist, I don't have A deeper purpose. I'm sorry if I have a hard time feeling It's my first time at life And I think sometimes I should get a pass Because I don't know What it is I'm fucking doing