for how long?

I'm struggling to swallow my heart Suppressing these feelings I had from the start When we talk nothing real leaves my lips Truths and lies mixed together slowly sinking this ship I love you so much and I hate you, it tough Being friends with you puts me in so much pain The balance between us is too hard to maintain I'm a tortured soul With nowhere to go I don't know how much longer I can last Till the day you'll become just a memory of my past