flow

how can i ever become clean? when i want to feel the pain that sharp cut into my flesh slicing as the red juice flows out how can i recover when thats what feels like home? because thats all i ever known how can i become clean when i feel the guilt,pain and hatred flow out how could i give that up it hurts but feeling the pain makes me feel like i can feel anything at all was this all i was placed here to do? suffer? maybe being here was my curse all along .