Finally getting Easy

It’s finally starting to feel easy. Easy to not be okay. Easy to fall apart quietly, then stand back up like nothing cracked. Easy to swallow the lump of hurt that lives in my throat, to blink away the tears before anyone notices they were ever there. Easy to let you walk away without reaching this time. Easy to tell myself I was never wanted in the first place. Easy to see there’s no room for me in the world you’re building— no space with my name on it, no place where I fit. Easy to whisper the loneliest “I love you” ever spoken, to say “I miss you” while knowing the echo won’t return. Easy to watch you be happy in a life where I’m not needed, not even remembered. And so— it’s finally easy to accept the way the cards were dealt, the ones I never asked to hold. I no longer reach for what isn’t mine, no longer ache for what doesn’t stay. It’s finally easy to accept a life I never wanted but will learn to carry. Easy, somehow— to not be okay.