false freedom

no one will stop me and no one can from pushing myself to the brink of misery and despair, pushed so close to that temping ledge to the point of freedom. nothing to loose, nothing to feel. just content freedom, me and my beautiful misery. strange how those in misery tend to understand life more than those blinded by naivety . I understand life and strip it down to it's true, melancholy bones and yet I'm the blind one? how naive people can be the only way to truly understand life is to live within the misery an unsweetened life causes, and I'm okay with that. even if I need to chase a false freedom.