Falling in the pit

I'm falling back into you. It happens so quickly and I can't catch myself. I don't want to fall. I hate falling. But when it's you I find myself unable to catch myself because I know if I fall into you, your cold arms will catch me and I will be back in the dark pit of myself that I find comfort in. I've been searching for this pit. I've wanted the coldness to come back. I miss it. I miss your arms being so cold. There and unable to sustain me. I miss it. Why? I miss it because that's all I know. That's what felt right and everything else could never compare. The pit still eats me and always will. How can I ever escape it when you never gave me anything but despair. I freeze, I sit, and I wait. Wait for cold cold darkness of you to go away so maybe... just maybe I can begin to close this dark pit of mine and fall back into something more kind.