experience

there are hundreds of moments that I was not a part of I wasn't there well I was physically mentally I was somewhere else somewhere in the depths of my mind in those moments physically I was fine but my soul felt like it had a black eye the thing about that tho is no one came and yelled or screamed at me it was my own fists hitting myself repeatedly because I "deserved" it these moments are never ones I can remember so 5 years down the line when an old friend tells a funny story and asks if I remember I will swear I wasn't there in reality I was there but I only remember my friend asking if I was ok and the cruel thoughts I spit at myself it makes me sad because so many moments were wasted because I was stuck inside my mind I only have so much time per life how much of this one will I waste being sad