Envy.

I know I sound selfish, but it's all I desire.  All I envy.  I yearn for it.  Wealthiness.  Dior, Chanel, Louis Vitton, Jimmy Choo.  They all look so clean, so desirable.  So pretty.  To eat at the high-end restaurants.  Go to vacations in Madrid, Dubai.  The best clothes, clothes that scream "This costs more than your rent."  I look at all those beautiful girls.  Their beautiful smiles.  Beautiful clothes.  Beautiful house.  Beautiful faces.  And I abhor saying this,  But I feel envious.  I look at them with jealousy and detest.  I look at them thinking;  "Why not me?" ..  I look at them with hatred.  I sneer at their perfection.  And it's despairingly sorrowful.