Energy

I wonder when life became so draining. Was it when I first started school. Not kindergarten or the second grade, I'm talking 4th grade. Was it when I was moved from my home, to this new place I didn't know. Having to find myself in a place I struggled to learn. Making new friendships and losing the ones I thought were forever. Was it when my mom left. But it's fine because I can see her next week or maybe on the weekends. Maybe she comes to my game, maybe she doesn't. Was it when I was trapped inside my home for God knows how long, trying to stay clear of a virus. That same virus that could've killed me, I craved. Was it when I started my journey in therapy. When I sat at that godforsaken desk being stared at while I was asked if I ever tried anything. Was it when I hurt my arm and had to make up for all my progress. All of those years, slaving away at the mound and the plate just to be stripped away by one throw. Or Was it when I knew, I'd never feel the relief of satisfaction in my life. No matte the greatness I seemed to grasp, it always seemed so ordinary, so mediocre. What do you do when you can't find the energy to hold up the thing, you thought, were most dear in your life.