Eating Disorders

What's supposed to bring happiness and memories, shared at picnics or family gatherings, only brings me guilt of what I ate for lunch. I think to starve, then think to overconsume. Nothing works out, nothing stays consistent. The help I need, the strength I am given, only falls to waste, never whats needed. So close, yet so far, is the finish line. I see it so easy, yet the path is so hard.