doomed to be me

This is not the person I want to be, and that is silly of me to say, I have so much going for me, but my mind, I tell you my mind, it is diseased with thoughts of lack, it returns to autopilot and affirms me of all that I do not have, my mind, it needs to heal, it begs to be held and kissed for eternity by the loving truth, but I fear that such a thing may never happen, and if it does, it won't be forever, or at all like I hoped to unfold, I fear I'd still be disapointed - so I believe it's better not to hope for it at all, I won't dare entertain acting upon it, just dream softly about it in the background, while I watch doom cascade before my eyes.