does it count?

does it count if I said no but gave in? does it count if I didn't scream does it count if he lies, does it count if I cry. no matter what I will justify him because I should have faught harder, but I thought he loved me he said he was sorry. but that doesn't count. it doesn't count that I gave in it doesn't count that I didn't scream it doesn't count if his life if ruined for what he did does it count that I ruined him? because he swears he's the victim.