Disgust

The feeling of disgust, Like a weight sinking in my gut, A pit of nausea, A wave of dread, A wave of pain, A pit of anger, A sinking feeling of guilt. That I could not defend myself, That I could do nothing to stop it, That my body was taken, And my mind betrayed. And the feeling of betrayal, Of being used as nothing more, Then a tool for someone to get their pleasure, To play with and use to discard later, And I wonder was it my lack of strength, Of will, Of courage? I cannot change what has passed, But I wish I could fight back, Against this sinking feeling, This pit of guilt in my stomach, And I wonder was it my fault for putting myself in that situation, My fault for trusting them, My fault for thinking they were different, The feeling of guilt is eating me up, I feel so dirty, So used, I feel so tainted, And I cannot make that feeling go away, And I wish I could escape it, I wish I could forget, I wish I could feel whole, And clean again.