depression looks different

I can't do it anymore it hurts to wake up say in and day out its hard to want to wake up it's hard to exist at this point I stay out of there way I don't want to be around if I isolate myself maybe they will be proud because I'm not in the way I'm a burden and I hate this feeling of emptiness and fullness at the same time I hate this I hate my life I want to be normal and happy not me I don't want to be around if I did will they cry will they care at all because what do they care I'm just a burden another mouth to feed I hate being and doing this I hate it all I want to die I don't want to be around every night I don't want to be around I'm tired I'm so tired please let the pain go away it hurts please God take it away I hate this I feel helpless I'm not in control which I need God help me please I hate this I want to die I'm tired please have mercy