Depression

Some days I want to live, but some days I want to die. When no one is looking I cry. Maybe that ain't normal for a guy. I stay up all night because I can't sleep. It's because the pain inside hurts so deep. The constant thoughts of being abandoned and abused. It left me broken and confused. There are days I put on a fake smile. Yet, the pain has lasted a while. I escape the depression and anxious thoughts thru music and writing poetry and songs and not drugs. Deep down I want a hug. Yet, I constantly push others away. I'm terrified if people in my life no longer stay. I start to think something is wrong with me. So many people tell me to be confident and love who God created to be. They don't realize that it's an everyday battle I face. Telling others about how I feel makes me feel like a disgrace. I try to do what's right. But how can I focus if my mind is a constant fight. Negative voices in my head telling me I'm better off dead. It's hard to believe the positive stuff people have said. I tried to kill myself multiple times, yet I'm still here for a reason. Depression isn't just for a season. Instead it could be something that will last for life. I hope I can be tha ~Babyboii Hlathi