Dear Mother...

Dear Mother You were so mean to me... I remember trying so hard to understand you, trying to understand why you were so mad at me all the time because i thought maybe if i could understand the person whose DNA i shared, then maybe i could understand myself you never knew how to love without rage and i never learned how to love without fear I wonder how you were treated as a child were you not loved enough? did you also spend your weekends alone in your bed angry at the world for not giving you even a second of peace I sometimes remember that you were once someone's child and all you've ever wanted was love but the thing is so did i, i tried to be good but nothing works you always find something to snap at you always find a reason to turn your frustration on me and i don't know what hurts more the words you scream or the silence that comes afterwards i don't even know what i'm supposed to do anymore i'm supposed to live like this until i find a way to move out but then what? I've spent so much of my life trying to figure out how to make you happy and if i don't figure it out with you i'll just end up finding someone else to do it to Why was i so unloved that you forgot i was your daughter