Dear Mom,

I loved you most when you were sober though that was not often. In those fleeting hours, I felt like I had a mother, like I mattered enough to be hold. but too often, you left me with men who should never have been me. You let me be touched in ways that broke pieces of me, I'm still trying to put back. when the pain showed you blamed me for your struggles, for your misery, for everything you carried that was never mine to hold. I see parts of you in me and It terrifies me, the anger, the emptiness, the urge to escape, but I am fighting to carry it differently, to end where you could not. I want you to know your leaving, your silence, your choices, cut scars into me that still bleed. and yet I love you, even when you gave me every reason why to. some part of me always will-Ary