dad 1/2

sometimes when I look at my father, I wonder if he was scared to have me. if he ever wondered if he wasn't ready. Fathers are not supposed to be afraid of anything. I think my dad was afraid of me. cause he didn't have a good father and I was the first daughter he raised I think my dad thought he was going to mess me up cause the first rule of father hood is to protect the child from themselves. from their past, from everything their father didn't have, I think my dad was scared that he wouldn't be able to do that. and I grew up doing everything I could to make him proud I didn't realize that he raised me not doing everything he could to make me proud. to show me that he could turn it around. that everything that almost killed him in his childhood wouldn't be found in mine. This is something that I'm just now realizing as an adult. I see that my dad did more than I thought he didn't just give me life, he tried to protect me from the life that he got and I'm sure it was terrifying. with no role models, no support. your only association of a father is your association of hurt. when my dad had me he wasn't great but we didn't let that affect the daughter that he raised its so easy to focus on what our fathers...