Curse

My life has been a mess, It has always been, But it's different now Because now I'm aware Awfully aware of every hair That stands on my arms when I see the regular environment form here once again. Toxic, all I can say, But what I may? I'm the same, right? Even if I get out of here, will I ever see the light? What if I am the darkness I'm scared of? What if it was me who turns the environment rough? I'm scared, Scared of the possibility, Scared of the probability Because every time I imagine a healthy environment, I feel myself burning with jealousy cause it reminds me of how I am scarred So is it me? Am I the reason I can't be free? Or should I have never gotten aware of it, Try to break off a curse so deadly? From my book "The Pain of Existence"