cultivation of pain

I never imagined that simple words from your lips could push me so close to the edge. Just seeing you; seeing you open your mouth, or simply hearing you breathe, and the urge to tear my hair out intensifies. I'm not talking about a fleeting feeling, I'm talking about constant dread and disgust, a rejection and loathing I never thought I was capable of feeling. I hear your footsteps and my eyes fill with tears, my muscles tense and my body goes on high alert. You leave my space and all I can think about is digging my nails into my delicate skin until it's completely torn. This is the love you have sown and cultivated yourself, and these will be the fruits you will reap.