Crossed with myself

I carry my cross as heavy as it is it's weighing me down they should crucify me already whip me so hard let me hurt I have to it's the only way I'll learn offer me as a sacrifice do it for the community let me contribute I'm not a gift I'm a curse I don't want to burden anyone anymore let me go in peace paradise awaits me or at least I hope so I just want to be free I had too many chances I didn't take any now I have to pay the price a grave mistake has deadly consequences