Could have been

I wonder who I could have been Had life not been so cruel If my parents actually loved me And my uncle never touched me Would I still feel so broken Maybe I wouldn't cringe at the touch of affection I wonder who I could have been If I wasn't doing drugs with every adult in my life at 12 years old If I knew of the hell addiction brings Would I still chase that numbing escape Maybe being sober wouldn't terrify me And the high wouldn't be the only peace I've ever known I wonder who I could have been If I my father's fists never met my face If his hateful words didn't haunt me Would I still live in constant fight or flight Maybe emotions wouldn't make me feel week and vulnerable Maybe I wouldn't feel so defeated I wonder who I could have been If I wasn't still a kid when I became a mom If I had known the damaged parts of me were going to cut my children Would I have done things differently Maybe my unhealed wounds never bleed onto my children Maybe I never cause them the same pain my parents caused me I wonder how different it all would be If only life hadn't been so cruel