contradictions

contradictions. i want to be with you, but i don't want to be lied to. i want you to love me as i love you, but i don't want you to lie to yourself. i want you to say "i think i'll feel that way again, in the future", but i don't want you to get my hopes up. i want you to get my hopes up, but i don't want you to if you're not serious about it. i want you to understand what i mean when i say "i love you", but i don't want that to make things weird between us. i want to stop loving you, but i don't want to be with anyone else. i want you to be the the last boy i ever love, but i don't want that if you don't love me too. i want to lose hope in 'us', but i want even more to keep what we had alive. i want us to be together again, but i don't want it to end like it did this time. why are there so many contradictions?