confused

I want nothing more than to die but every time something seems to stop me not something like oh well maybe another day or maybe I will be ok I know I won't they say it gets better but when it's been years for me the only thing that ever stops me is the thought of hurting others my life no longer matters to me but I know it does to them even when I feel alone and unloved I know at least a few that would be affected by my death I want nothing more than to die but I can't bring myself to hurt them