Confession

I've never understood love as well as I'd like Why is it that I hate everything you do yet time and time again I find myself staring into space at 2 in the morning Trying to remember every word you've ever uttered Every step you've taken Every joke you've told that wasn't that funny Every time you've ever looked at me And it makes me sad For every dream I've ever had of you I start to hate myself more and more For every action overcalculated For every move I've ever made and all the times I felt jealous when you smile and waved at other girls How it eats at my soul That every single thing reminds me of you? Why should every thought come back to you? Why should I be missing you everyday when all I am is a friend to you How well you treat me and how I wish you'd hate me How I wish I would cry and forget about this Instead I'm miserable everyday and night When my thoughts are all I have for company When I think of how I could've argued when you turned me down And it makes me regret ever telling you It makes me miss the days before confession When you could smile at me without worry of misunderstanding Before your cold demeanor, the distance, the gap How I miss when friendship was enough