Concealed sparks

How do i say it? Because it was not his fault The sparks that once overwhelmed me Has no power in me anymore But I'm scared if I misunderstood it I doubt to find a Soul that could bear with me Could it be because I'm too tight up too comparable? It used to be so peaceful,healthy and igaf thingy But why does it drain me now?? Because I'm too drained myself? Because he can't do like others? Why do I let this pride crawl in?? Is this how early 20s teenagers always deal with? Is it because I fear i might end up like my mother?? Sharing kills me more when it's my fault It used to be the butter thing Could it be i was tested?? It used to be everything that people wished for But why couldn't I feel it anymore at all?? I made up excuses yet he's never frustrated I ignored him yet his efforts never minus I used to be so grateful now I'm all bombarded with what ifs What if I made a bad decision I always asked?? So, I distant myself instead of breaking his heart Will this eat me up?? Ohh this is not initially how i should behave Can I just blame the teenage era?? Might it be the ME PROBLEM.