clouds and concrete

why do I keep failing? it's simple, be happy let go of the past, grow past the pain live laugh love, rinse repeat, everyone makes it seem natural and easy so why am I stuck? why am I so crappy? I want to be reborn, to work hard again its as real as clouds and concrete so why am I sweating, why am I queasy? why am I afraid, why sad, why? why? why? I ask myself all the time, I try to breathe I am hinest, I am open, I am grateful so why does it feel like those are killing me? why is it that no matter what I do I cry? that happiness crushes me far beneath and that all I can be to myself is hateful? when people look at me, who do they see? the dichotomy of suffering and simple joy of open smiles and the shells I use to hide simple acts of generosity to prove worth always there to listen so im never alone do they see a man, never grew from a boy? who tells his secrets but never confides? the lost seeking the cycle of rebirth? or will I always be unseen and unknown?