can't hold hot gold

I desire hot gold, I wish to feel the heat. But unacknowledged by me, I am the hot gold. I hold the hot heat til the metal spills, til my hands cannot carry it from the overwhelming pain. I curse at myself, saying I must've let it get so hot on my own. But I can't help it, I can't help when it gets so hot that the heat gets exposed to others, I can't help that it hurts me. I never meant to burn anyone, I want to be held but you can't hold hot gold.