brave

brave i hear the word so many times from friends from relatives from acquaintances from strangers 'you are so brave' 'i could never' 'i can't imagine' 'i'm so proud of you for being so brave' and i wonder am i? because i don't feel brave i feel terrified i feel angry i feel scared and cold and sometimes alone but never brave when i look around every time i hear a politician a preacher a leader call me and my sisters and brothers and my nonbinary siblings 'freaks' 'abominations' 'perverts' 'vile, wicked, evil' the list goes on every time i hear the leaders on the other side mouth empty promises every time one of us is murdered every time one of us gives up every time one more precious, beautiful, irreplaceable life is extinguished i feel so many feelings grief loss fear anger and yet i go on and maybe that is 'brave' but i never wanted to be brave i just wanted to be me