Black Sheep

Anxious and guilted to spend time with an unclose family. I hate this anticipation; to do, to say, to be the expected expectation. I've wanted to opt out. The will to do so can't compete with the shame. Stressing. A strain - to make time... and for what? A grateful come home? A 'that wasn't so bad?' Questioning the impressions I'd made. Conversations had. Body language? Overdosing my mind with reminding. Rewinding. Am I family enough... and for what?