Better

I say I’m better, but  I still throw up I still hate looking in mirrors  I still restrict  I still count calories I still thrive to lose weight  I still push myself and pass out in P.E I still get anxious around food I still have gum to ignore the hunger I still have the need to skip meals I still get comments on my body I still feel like there is no thin enough  I still believe I need to try harder  I still think less and less calories is better  I still say this is healthy  I still hate attention but crave the applause  I still haven't given enough  I still have the same headspace  Yet They still say oh you lost weight  They still say you look so much better now They still say its not an eating disorder  They still say you look so good  Because They never noticed  They never cared  I wasn't skinny enough  I wasn't sick enough So  Yes I’m better  At hiding it At lying  At starving  At throwing up