Becoming whole again

Watching the freshers’ session made me jealous. It reminded me of what I lost growing up. My confidence as a child—stolen. My innocence—also stolen. I became an expert at being overly conscious of myself: how I speak, how I walk, how I chew… my whole being. Talked about behind my back, insulted to my face, questioned by unfettered adults, constantly checked, observed; who I mingled with, what crowd I stood in, even which strangers I spoke to. I became an expert at being mute. An expert in staying in the background. An expert in caring too much about what people said. Getting back my childlike confidence and innocence feels like a lifelong journey. Sometimes it feels lost forever. But I hope— even if it’s just an ounce— to recover that confidence in my walk with the Great One.