barely hanging on

day in and day out I cry. everyday life is suffocating me don't know who to turn to and grieve. afraid that it's soon gonna be the winner of this life that I was supposed to exceed. pity I don't want or need. everyone I've known In my life has betrayed me. my own mother really hates me. maybe because when she looks in the mirror all she see is me. so should it hurt as bad or maybe it's wrong of my beliefs. 5sisters and 3brothers and I'm the only one not invited for special events. children's father seriously left me like this.. stay inside all day and night because the way I feel . alone. misunderstood nothing... evil. not godly. it's getting worse but nobody believes me. scream out for help but everybody don't believe me. thus life is supposed to be what u make it. well what about mine. I know that soon it will be my Time. and if these thoughts continue itwill be very soon. then I'm wrong for killing myself too. I don't know what to do. God I try to stay honest and true. but I feel as how u did when they killed you. I'm never right or nobody cares how I feel inside. I'm loosing my sense of reality everyone that knew me then now says the same shit. you are so depressed stop it.