Bad person

how much exactly did I love you ? I could have chosen a simple no with my dignity but I gave up myself, I gave up every bit of life I lived so far just so you can put that wall to my face if in case I return. you are that one, whom i would'nt even give a chance to you hurt me again and again whenever I get back to but I want to keep you back then atleast I could have chosen a better decision I could have gathered all the courage I could have waited for that courage but in that love, with you it's a loop and I couldn't do anything I just choose to break your trust and heart I broke mine too with that I couldn't accept myself and I'm suffering I hate all my 21 years of charector, how can I make up for all that betrayal you felt, I can never exactly, that's what I wanted what else should I have done instead of this what else ? leaving you was impossible so you had to leave me I'm paying all that price, all that blame, all the hatred, just because everyone can say "she's bad person" just so, you could hate me and hate me I couldn't even explain, how I feel anymore the person I loved, I wanted them to hate me and distance me because I couldn't be brave enough to choose myself. why does it feel sad.