Bad again

I think I realized it was getting bad again when I would stay up until 3 and wake up at 9 letting my mind take me to the deepest corners of my mind the over thinking for hours, memories I wish I could forget, permanently engraved in my brain. I think I realized it was getting bad again when I would wake up with a tear stained pillow and stuffy nose The crying over things I couldn't help, like losing someone you were close to They aren't dead, but just a mere stranger anymore I think I realized it was getting bad again when all I want to do is be held while I cry for hours on end, not truly having a reason behind the tears, just to let everything out. Needing a shoulder to cry on but not a single one near The constant wish I was better, prettier, nicer, skinnier I wish I was like the popular kid The ones with all the friends and pretty looks The skinny and rich ones Which is what makes me think it's bad again, because I never wanted to be like them. It's bad again… I need help.