assalamu alaikum upapa 🤍

he's gone he might have been the starting point for my familys generational trauma or just a check point for it I used to think he could never be separated from his anger but sometimes he laughed a sweet boyish laugh with his teeth I wonder what he thought of me if I would never measure up to my mother if I was too quiet , too distant, too detached but he thought I was funny and he still laughed at my jokes I think I made them just for him sometimes to see him scrunch up his nose and then raise his eyebrows he was nice sometimes and he was angry sometimes a strong towering 6 ft man who took his morning walks every day at 6 am he chased me in his anger and sometimes I think it's nice to have stories that share his rage or maybe I'm just trying to turn an angry man into a happy memory because that's how I'd like to remember him, laughing at my jokes before his lungs gave out