"Anything, but what I am"

You say, "I promise, you're just lazy, nothing more "Just step outside your comfort zone." But it's not like I haven't tried, you know, Every road, every door, yet they all stay closed. I carved my flesh just to feel something new, To spark a reaction, to break through the blue. But every cut bleeds the same dull ache, No matter how much of me I let break. You want me to change, to be what you see, But don't call me lazy ,it cuts deeper than these wounds. I'm shackled, bound, a chain on my throat, Tied to a weight I can't even name. I search for escape, for a place to hide, To let it slide, to push it aside, But the pull is stronger, dragging me deep, I'm drowning,do you even see? You call me lazy, but you don’t know me. You don’t know how much I’ve tried to change, To break free from my own misery, To be anything but what I am. __ anything but what I am__