anxiety

and now i sit here again, shaking ,almost crying, scared, too scared i can't count how many times i have sit here, way too often my thoughts are a mess, uncontrollable will this ever end? 'i will get through this.' i try to tell myself again 'it will get worse. you're alone. you will die.' repeats my mind, like always kids are walking next to me, giving me a strange look. i understand them, probably i would do the same, if i were them i would love to be them. to watch me beeing crazy, not to be the crazy one. im zoning out, this is always the worst part, when my anxiety gets so bad, that i lose the connection to myself. i am not here anymore yes, my body is, but i'm lost i start sobbing. it feels like im dying. i don' want to do this anymore i can't do this anymore maybe dying is the better option.