And Me?

You know what’s strange? Nothing makes me happier than seeing the people I’ve been rooting for finally win. Watching them accomplish their dreams, get accepted into places they prayed for, and genuinely enjoy what they do—it fills me with real joy. I celebrate them with my whole heart. But somewhere in that happiness, a quiet question always finds me. What about me? I’ve tried too. I’ve worked hard. I’ve pushed myself to grow, to be better, to stay positive even when things fall apart. I’ve trained my mind to look for good in the bad so I don’t expect too much—so I don’t get hurt too much. I tell myself to keep going. Try again. And again. And again. But sometimes it feels like I’m running in circles. Like no matter how hard I try, the results stay the same. Zero. And I can’t help but wonder… am I doing something wrong? Am I trying too hard? Is it really too much to ask for just one thing to finally work out? And the scariest thought of all is this— what if I’m starting to lose hope? I don’t want to. But I’m tired. Still… maybe writing this means there’s a small part of me that hasn’t given up yet. Maybe that tiny part is still holding on, even if the rest of me feels worn out.