Ambivalence

I possess a love that runs deep within my soul, Yet it slips through my fingers like sand, I have worked hard, my hands worn and tired, But my efforts seem to yield nothing grand. I seek solace in solitude, but loneliness follows me, I avoid borrowing, yet debt looms over me, I try to quell my anger and frustration, But they have become a part of my very being. I strive to speak only the truth, But my heart is heavy with remorse, I make oaths to stay true to myself, Yet each promise feels like a force. The more I try to escape to the wilderness, The more I find myself in the midst of the crowds, What I want to convey, I cannot put into words, What I feel, I cannot fully express, What I have seen, I cannot demonstrate, What I long for, I cannot seem to possess. It seems that everything I desire is just out of reach, Is it a curse to be alive? Or a reward for my relentless yearning?